I learned a long time ago to never pray for patience. You pray for understanding, tolerance or anything else but never patience. Recently my patience and tolerance has been tested like no other time in my life. It seems that no matter how far I try to distance myself from the situation it finds a way to come back. Leaving a deeper more painful gash on my heart mind and soul. It has left me wanting to scream ... "Enough already!!"
As all this drama unfolds, I find myself wondering why I stand so passively by and let it happen. If this was happening to my child, husband or any other family member I would have claws bared and ready to fight to the death. But this is happening to me. I don't fight back. I don't defend myself. I just stand there and let the words thrown at me do their damage. I hold my tongue and say nothing. I stand there like a little child eyes staring at the floor, like I'm guilty of the crimes I am so falsely being accused of. How can I prove my innocense? How can I clear my name? There really is no way, its ones word against anothers. So for now I will consider the source of the drama and continue to broaden the distance from the situation. I am too tired, too busy to waste any time, energy and worry over it.
I know I will get through all this in time. I pray that in the end the one person I care most about will know I was the same person in the end as I was in the beginning.
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1 comment:
talk to me! you know you can if you need to. David
ps: I like the name, Back home we had a "Koffee Kup Kafe", its where the meetings were held.
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